here and there

some moments we feel great while the others we feel like something is wrong somewhere. we feel unhappy, unsatisfied and invisible. the things that could trigger the switch may be as simple as a look from a stranger. a look that always makes us feel bad, confuse and wrong. why is it a such small thing could ruin everything, every compliment we ever had. and, the most important thing is, how do we make ourselves feel better??? just sit there and spent some time thinking about it or indulge ourselves in doing something else that have no relation with what just happen. but, one thing for sure, whatever that we do we can never escape from reevaluating ourselves. are we being too kind or too rude, too stupid or acting completely like a smart-ass.. are these thoughts good for us too improve ourselves or just help to reduce our self-esteem that sometimes appears so insecure.. well, for me its a lot of both.. there are times that i feel so good that that i could take the world with my own bare hands... and there are also moments that i spent feeling so low and insure, so afraid of the judgmental eyes of the public.. during moments like this i usually will sit alone, in my rooms, watching movies, or just listen to songs to remind me again that what im feeling is temporary and not that bad as it feels..

often when we try so hard to be perfect or do good at something, we tend to screw it up so badly. after a few seconds we asked ourselves , "what did i just said, oh God".. but while im writing this it somehow just tickles my heart as i have experience a lot of that situations. recently, i just got my sem 2 a-levels results. it is not what i was hoping for at all. what went wrong, i asked myself. is it my method of studying or it is because i didnt try hard enough. actually, there's a reason why i wanted it to be good this time. it is because i had an aim. i wanted to beat somebody. and, nothing hurts more then not getting what you really wanted. but, everything happened for a reason, rite?? so, i'll just try harder and of course keeps the things that makes me myself. i've already deviated from what my topics already so i better start doing what im suppose to do now.. c ya.. bye..